Chapter 13

Yns pov:
He looms over her, blood dripping from his hands as he stands up. Slowly he turns to look at me. His face is blank. Not sad. Not angry. Just devoid of emotion. He strides quickly towards me, reaching out with the knife, slashing at me violently. I jump back, trying desperately to dodge. I feel myself getting sluggish and he slices my arm.

“YOU KILLED HER!” He screams at me with no space for reply. He keeps slashing at me until my breath grows ragged and my legs begin to shake from tiredness. He pushes forwards, not letting up on his slashing, backing me up  against the wall. He forces me back, pushing his arm against my chest, pinning me there. He pulls back his hand and thrusts the knife into my chest.

I startle awake, sitting bolt right. My hand claws at my chest trying to take out the imaginary knife. I feel a hand touch my back and my whole body tenses and my head swings towards them, my vision swimming when i do. Yelenas face is covered in worry, her eyes widening. She steadily puts up her hands in surrender.

“Woah retreat, its just me.” Her eyebrows knit together and she carefully reaches out for me, brushing her hand down my arm until she intlerlocks her fingers with mine. “Yn? You okay?”

“I-i” my breathing is still ragged and i can feel the panic in my chest. “I cant breathe!” I reach my clammy hands to my chest, pulling away from her. I think shes talking to me but it feels so far away.

“Yn, look at me, do what i do!” I dont hear a word shes saying i dont even look at her, my eyes are searching the room, trying to ground myself. Thats when i feel a hand on my face, a thumb stroking over a scar on my cheekbone when she turns my face towards her. She doesnt say anything. She just hugs me. The gentle smell of lavender shampoo grounds me and i can feel my panic dimming slightly. I wrap my arms around her and hold on tightly. She starts to lightly trace circles on my back.

“Yn? You with me?” She pulls away to see me in my pathetic entirety. She should be repulsed. Instead she smiles at me faintly. “There she is.”

“Im so sorry. I didnt- it was a dream.” She tilts her head gently.

“Hell of a ‘dream’ if it makes you wake up like that.” I give a half smile and look away. “You wanna talk about it?” I shake my head slowly, trying to blink back tears.

“Just stuff about my mom.” She gives me an understanding nod when she taps her fingers on her thigh nervously. I grab her hand to stop her.

“Sorry, just please dont do that. Its kind of annoying. You can talk about what youre thinking.”

“Im sorry i stayed, i accidentally fell asleep.”

“Thats what you were worried about?”

“Well i didnt know if you would be comfortable with that.” She gives an embarassed wry smile. I cackle. It hurts my ribs and i wince but i dont stop. I start to cough, my body still feeling rough, but i still laugh. She gives me a small frown awkwardly fidgeting on the bed. “What?”

“Im sorry, its just- you routed through my drawers like almost right after we met.”

“So?” She rolls her eyes at me.

“So i think im pretty confortable with you. Thank you for that. I really needed a good laugh.” I reach over and take some pain relief pills that bruce left on the table and i see the voice recorder. I lift it up, raising an eyebrow in question. “Lena?”

“Oh yeah, i forgot about that. Nat asked me to record your statement for the case.” I look at my hands that are sat in my lap. A frown envelopes my face. Yelena holds my hand and puts the recorder back.

“Everythings going to be okay yn. We wont let him get to you. This can wait until the morning if you want.” My eyes meet hers, the green glinting in the dim light and i can hear the sincerity in her voice when she speaks. Something settles deep within me, something calm. I just nod, the echaustion starting to catch up with me.

“In the morning sounds nice.” She smiles, moving so that we can get comfortable, cuddlibg up to each other again. Her arms wrap around my stomach and her breath tickles my neck slightly. And for a moment I feel at home.

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Nats pov:
I wake up to a cold, empty bed. I smell the pancakes from my room. I take in a tired breath and reluctantly get out of bed. I quickly get ready for the day and head downstairs, my hands finding wandas waist out of habit. “Hey whyd you go?” She leaves a gentle kiss on the side of my face and moves from my grasp to get more ingredients.

“Im making breakfast. Im the only one who can cook well and its the parkers first mornings here. I wanted to make them feel welcome.” My heart warms at the gesture and i scrunch my nose at her.

“Softy.” She chuckles, the sound makes me want to kiss her more than anything. I move away to get coffee instead, knowing people will be filing in at any moment. “You want some tea?”

“Yeah, do you know how to make it?” I scoff but she doesnt so much as turn.

“Wanda we’ve been dating for 2 months, i know how to make your tea.” She turns now, folding her arms, annoyance radiating off of her.

“Oh really? So was it intentional that you put coffee and a tea bag in my drink?” I sputter out a random sound, not thinking of a good reply. Shes got me there.

“Well in my defence, tony distracted me and it was already 2am!” She just shakes her head, turning her attention back to the now burnt pancakes.

“These ones can be yours. You distracted me and it is quite early.”

“Wow wanda, very mature” i smirk at her childlike behaviour and she throws the pancakes away, starting again. “Im gonna go wake yel and yn, yn should be okay to move short distances now. Youre tea is on the side, made correctly.”

She laughs as i walk out the kitchen, immediately feeling too far from home. When i walk into med bay, i see them both cuddled up on yns bed. They arent technically meant to do that but its cute. Kind of repulsively cute though. Like it makes me want to stab my eyes out. Maybe thats just because its yelena though. I grab a pillow from another bed and hit yelena over the head repeatedly. She immediately moves her hands over her head protectively as she shouts.

“Tasha! What the hell?!” I keep hitting her and the movement makes yn groggily begin to stir awake. “Stop!” I smile as i retract the pillow, placing it back on one of the other beds.

“Breakfast is made. I came to wake you up.” Yelenas mouth hangs open in anger and disbelief. Yn just looks between us like we’re mad.

“Tasha there had to be a better way to do that.”

“Define better. That was the most fun way for me. And i got some exercise in.” Yelena throws yns pillow at me and yn lightly hits her arm.

“Hey dont involve me in this sister madness! I just wanted sleep.” Yn hesitantly stand up, her hands fly up to her ribs and yelena quickly goes to the other side helping her up. “Im fine lena, im not 60. Its just a few broken ribs.”

I scoff at her and roll my eyes. “8. But sure just a few.” She flashes me a look that screams i am not being helpful. “Where can i get ready?”

“Your toothbrush from the last time you stayed is in my bathroom and you can borrow some of my clothes.” Borrow her clothes? Toothbrush in her bathroom? They might as well be living together.

“Dont forget about your statement. I can go through it with you later, truthfully, i dont trust yelena to do it right. She can be there though, if you want. For support.” Theres a sincerity in my eyes that only a few get to see. And yelena is not generally one of them.

“Whats that about? That look? Its almost…nice and sympathetic.” She gives me an offended look and puts her hand to her chest. “I never get that look from you.”

“Yeah well you never needed it. Or deserved it. You get on my nerves too much.” Yn chuckles, bringing everyones attention back to her as she hugs her ribs a little tighter.

“Yeah i can see that.” Yel flashes her little frown.

“Thats not fair i cant throw a pillow at you, youre already hurt.” I roll my eyes and ignore yelena.

“Meet me at my office after breakfast, okay?” Yn just nods and i leave as they both dish out playful banter.

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Yns pov:
After a very painful, long walk to yelenas room, she sits on her bed, very kindly letting me get ready first. I forget how dull her room is. I take a quick glance around before giving her a judgemental look, “You need to decorate your room. Its lifeless in here.” She scoffs and throws her own pillow, intentionally missing.

“It is very homely in here thank you very much.” Her thick russian accent is one of my favourite parts of her. It makes my day just hearing it. It makes evrrything else dissappear for a second, as it cuts through all my racing thoughts. I walk into the bathroom, and look in the mirror. My dark circles are dark and very noticable. My face looks like her room, cold and lifeless. My eyes looking just as dead. Not to mention the thoughts that race through my mind pretty much constantly. Except for when im with her. When im with her, i dont question whether i can carry on, i just do it.

“Yn? Everything okay?” Her voice cuts through my thoughts and i realise i mustve been stood here just looking at my face for several moments. Idiot. Dont be so cringe.

“Yeah sorry, just seeing the bruises for the first time since…” i trail off, hoping the cover was good. I reach for my toothbrush and start to get ready. As i brush my teeth i look at the bruies that plaster my face. I pull down my shirt slightly and see a big bruise blooming on my chest. Yelena lets out a small shocked gasp and quickly comes over, moving my hands out of the way and pulling my shirt down to cgeck for herself.

“Yn whats his from?!” I point towards my mouth and let out some jumbled words that i know she cant hear. She shakes her head but continues to look at the bruise on my chest. She pulls the shirt down some more and i move her hands to spit out the toothpaste now that shes been poking and prodding at my chest for 2 minutes.

“Pull down my shirt any further and things might get a little awkward.” She doesnt laugh. Not this time.

“This isnt funny. What happened?” Theres no room for humour in her tone and i take a step back, leaning against the bath.

“My dad stepped on my chest when he and his friends beat the shit out of me. He pressed down so hard i struggled to breath, but he just said, ‘if you can talk you can breath.'” She gives me a horrified look and moves closer, reaching for my hand.

“Im so sorry that happened yn.” I smile, trying not to let tears fall.

“Yeah well stuff happens, sometimes you get through it, sometimes you dont.” She knits her eyebrows, concern evident on her face.

“Thats a pretty heavy statement. Everything okay?” I just smile in response and head into her room.

“So what clothes you got for me?” I know she has a dissapointed look on her face that i didnt tell her, but im not good at talking about that stuff.

“Theres a jumper and some jeans on my bed. I thought you would like it because its similar to what you wore the last time you were here.” I see the pile and quietly grab it and go into the bathroom to get changed. Once ive done my hair and im ready, she gets ready while i just sit on her bed.

I think about david. How he will react to us being gone for so long. What if he thinks im dead? Maybe things would be easier for everyone if i was. I failed to protect pete on so many occasions. I can feel the exhaustion in my bones. It gets worse everyday. It feels like a physical toll on my body just to stand up. Nevermind do all of that other stuff too. All it would take is some extra pills. One jump from a height. Two slices of my arms. Thats all it would take to make everyones lives easier. Better.

“Everything okay?” I didnt even hear her come out the bathroom. Im pulled from my thoughts and see the concern etched on her face.

“Im fine. Just tired.” She doesnt say anything just looks at me with knowing eyes. She quietly sits down next to me.

“Clearly everything is not okay. Your apartment is surgically clean. You keep zoning out. You drop a heavy statement or 2 every now and then. And your whole body is black and blue. So if you are okay, then i am a dancing monkey.” I feel warm tears sting my eyes but i let out a soft chuckle.

“What? That doesnt even makes sense.” She gives me a small smile, but it doesnt change the topic or the tone of the conversation.

“Exactly. For you to be carrying all of this, it doesnt make sense that you’re okay.” I let out a tired sigh and she waits patiently for me to speak.

“Im not good at talking to people about this stuff. Its been just me and pete for so long…”

“But its not been you and peter, has it? You havent told him anything, you’re protecting him. That means its just been you. Isnt that lonely?” I look away, a tear slipping free. I quickly pull up my hand to wipe it away. “You dont have to hide your tears from me detka.”

“Can we talk about this after breakfast please? Its too earlier for today to be sad.” She smiles but gives a small nod. I feel the relief knock into my lungs. She stands up and holds out her hand for me to take. She gently leads me through the compound into the kitchen. The smell of food makes my mouth water and my stomach cry in pain. I dont know when the last time i ate was.

“Hey yn, i dont know if you remember me, but im wanda.” I give her a small smile as she hands me a plate of pancakes.

“You’re pietros sister.” I see the visible shock on her face. That i remembered her. “I remember you from my deep dive into pietros past after i found out about him and my brother.” Her eyes widen slightly and she awkwardly moves to the pan. Yelena cackles, catching everyones attention when she takes her plate.

“Yn dont wind her up like that. Not everyone in the tower is used to stalker jokes.” Wandas head snaps to me and i flash a sheepish grin as i move the pancakes about with my fork and knife.

“Sorry. No i remembered you because i took note of all the couples in the tower. And there are a lot of you. Truthfully it would be an incredible study because not only are you all couples, but you all appear to be same sex couples too-”

“Wait what?! Who else is a couple?” Yelena cuts me off and i see everyones heads turn towards me with curiosity.

“Uhhhh i think i may have broached an unwanted topic. Maybe we should just-“

“Spill.” Natasha speaks, leaning over intimidatingly. I fidget with my sleeves as i look around at the now familiar faces. Natasha, wanda, yelena, sam and tony all look at me.

“Well based on some observations, i assumed that natasha and wanda, tobi and the blonde guy-”

“Its tony and i am NOT dating steve.” I raise my eyebrow doubtfully and continue, feeling everypnes eyes on me.

“Peter and pietro, pigeon boy and metal arm, and thats without mentioning the single gays, like science bro – the guy who turns big and green.” They all just look at me, not speaking. I let them process that information and sip the coffee that nat handed me earlier. “Let me know when you guys are done processing.”

“Yn, youve been here like 3 times! How could you know all of that?!” Yelenas voice is higher than ive ever heard it.

“I did a psychology course in my free time. And i have eyes.” I walk over to tony taking the syrup from his hands. “Thank you.” I pour it on my pancakes and eat while they still dont move. “I mean dont get me wrong i know homosexuals are a common occurance but for there to be that many in such a confined space? Its the same as if you were all straight, it just doesnt add up.” I keep looking at them, hoping they will contribute to this one way conversation when metal arm walks in.

“Morning?” He walks past them all, none of them acknowledging him, and he grabs a plate of pancakes, sitting next to me. “Whats wrong with them?”

“Oh theyre just wrapping their heads around how most of them are spies and missed so much that was right infront of them.” He just nods and bites into a pancake. “You…arent gonna ask?”

“Nope. Based on them, i dont think i want to.” I nod and we eat quietly as the others finally start to move to do random things. Nat subtly touches wandas pinky with hers. Sam sits further away from bucky but keeps looking at him every few seconds, a smile returning to his face every time. Tony grabs some food and heads back to his lab. Yelena sits on the other side of me quietly staring at me.

“Penny for your thoughts? Your staring is starting to become weird.” I turn my head to look at her as i finish my last bite.

“You didnt tell me how much you notice things. Or that you did psychology. I feel like i dont really know you.” My heart softens slightly. I know what she means, theres so much i havent told her. But she isnt exactly rushing to tell me anything either.

“You havent told me much about you either. Whatever you wanna know about me, just ask.” She considers it for a minute before speaking.

“When did you know you were gay?” The chatter stops for a little while before people pretend to mind their own business and leave.

“I really didnt want to be gay. It took me a while to finally accept it. I knew though. From the way i would look at girls and do things so no one would think i was gay, i wouldnt even compliment a girl. I tried to like boys so much that whenever one had a crush on me, i dated them, hoping eventually i would like them the same way. I hated myself for liking girls, i thought it was wrong.”

“So what changed to make you accept yourself?”

“I met my ex girlfriend. She was everything to me. For a while. She helped me accept who i was, reassured me that if i was okay with others being gay, then i could be okay with it.”

“That sounds hard.” I look away and nod slowly, thinking about david.

“Its called internalised homophobia. How did you know you were gay?” My eyes find hers, searching for understanding. Hoping she doesnt see me for what i am: a monster.

“I never really knew any different. In the red room if we could use our skill set on anyone, guy or girl, it would be encouraged. I quickly realised i prefered using my skills on women.” She keeps looking at me before she presses about my answer. “All that hatred, did it come from your dad?”

“Yeah. His hatred had to go somewhere.” Tears sting my eyes and i stand up, ending the conversation. “Nat told me to find her, do you want to come with?” She nods and follows me through the compound, directing me when i look lost.