Chapter 9

“I have her cell phone number if you want? Um, it’s… hold on, let me find it on my phone… 646…”

“Oh thanks — it’s ok, I have it. Thanks. When did she move out?”

“Last week. She moved to the UK.”

I looked at Cathy. Alex already moved!

“Oh — thanks again. Thanks! Sorry again about waking you up!”

“What? She moved?” Cathy asked.

I nodded, “Last week. She’s already here. She moved last week. SHE’S HERE. CATHY!!!! SHE’S HERE!”

“So… not a new girlfriend?” Cathy smiled.

I spun myself around on my chair, “NOPE. Nope-nope-nope-nope-nope.”

I picked up my phone and dialed Alex’s mobile.

I frowned and hung up, “Went to voicemail. Again.”

“Do you know where she’s staying in London?”

“Well, she usually stays with me…”

I scrunched up my face when Cathy raised her eyebrows.

Yep. That’s right. I’m an idiot. Oh god-y-god-y-god. Alex, where the hell are you?

“Who can you call to get her new contact information?” Cathy wondered.

I knew the answer before Cathy finished asking the question.

“Annie.” I leaned forward and rested my head on my desk. Oh shit.

“Bite the bullet.” Cathy leaned back and stretched.

“After lunch.” I knew I was stalling, “No point in waking her up. She’s already going to rip me a new one. Better to wait until she’s had her coffee…”

My phone rang as I stepped out of the tube station.

“Lucy called –” Annie began.

“It’s only been a week! What did she do to my apartment? I knew I shouldn’t have sub-let it!” I yelled as images of destruction flashed through my head.

“Shut up, you freakazoid,” Annie shouted back, “Lucy called to say that someone called your apartment this morning, looking for you. Lucy didn’t have your UK cell, so she asked me for the number in case that person called back. Long story short, it was Jess, and Jess called me.”

I stopped walking, which elicited a couple of unsavoury words from those who had to suddenly navigate around me.

Jess finally reached out. After almost a month of nothing.

“Alex?? Can you hear me??? Are you there?” Annie pulled me back from my shock. I scooted to the nearest shop entrance, still reeling from the news.

“Yes — sorry. I’m just surprised she called. Wait, so did you speak with her? Why didn’t she call me?”

“She called your US cell. Went straight to voicemail, dummy. Anyway, she wants to apologise. She said she didn’t want to email in case you ignored it because she had behaved so poorly.”

“Did you behave when she called you?”

Annie snorted, “Please, you know me, queen of civility and all that.”

“ANNABELLE — come on!” I shouted, “What did you say?”

“I did not exactly repeat my Oscar-winning Rottweiler performance, if that’s what you are asking. She sounded awful, to be honest. I gave her your UK cell phone and address. We didn’t really talk much beyond that.”

“Ok. Thanks Bella-bear. I owe you one.”

“Alex — I know you’ve already forgiven her — but please, don’t let her think she can do this again, ok? You deserve better.”

“Ok,” I said again, about all I could manage at that point.

Annie rang off, and I stared at my phone for a while. It had taken all of my self-control to not have emailed or called Jess since her freak out. But I promised to give her the space she so obviously needed. Now, when it seemed certain that Jess would finally reach out, I allowed myself a flash of anger over her behaviour.

I also knew Annie was right. Jess only needs to show up at my door, tell me she was sorry and I would forgive her. I resolved to play it cool — hard to do under normal circumstances, but bloody near impossible when it came to Jess.

I stood outside number 35 on Alex’s street, waiting for her to return. It was just after 3pm, so I wasn’t expecting to see her for a while.

After steeling my nerves to face Alex, I finished teaching my last lesson of the day and pretty much broke land speed records to get to her place. Loitering around outside her flat seemed more productive somehow.

To my surprise, I soon saw her familiar form, striding towards me. Seeing her after all this time apart made my breath catch in my throat. She was in her work clothes: a long coat over a grey suit, light blue shirt; crisp lines that accentuated those beautiful broad shoulders and long legs. Her sunglasses glinted in the late afternoon sun as she walked; she slowed as she spotted me.

Despite my anxiety about how it might turn out, the sight of her thrilled me to the core.

“Hello,” Alex said, fishing keys out of her pocket.

My heart was thumping in my chest, “You don’t seem surprised to see me,” I heard myself say.

Alex’s face was impassive, her eyes hidden behind her shades. “Annie told me you asked her for my number and address, so I figured I would hear from you soon enough. You are lucky Peter sent us home early for the weekend. Could have been a long wait.”

I nodded, “Can we talk inside?”

“Sure, come on in,” Alex drove her key into the red front door and led me in.

We walked up two flights of stairs in silence. Alex remained mute as she unlocked the door to her flat.

I followed her in; the place smelled like her. My chest tightened with desperate yearning. We still hadn’t touched.

“So… what are you doing here?” Alex asked, dropping her coat and messenger bag on a chair in the hallway.

“I came by to apologise.” My voice shook, betraying my nerves. “I shouldn’t have left… uh, things the way I did. Shit, Alex, I shouldn’t have left. I should have talked to you about it — or at least have given you some warning. I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” Alex said.

She threw me off-guard with her curt response. I had expected her to berate me the way Annie did.

“You came by to apologise. That’s it?” She took her shades off and glanced at me, her brown eyes masked with indifference.

I moved towards her, but she shifted away from me and walked into the kitchen. This small rejection stung, and I felt tears spring to my eyes.

I followed her, stopping at the kitchen entrance. I fiddled listlessly with the pocket door’s latch.

“No — that’s not it…” I had a speech all planned out, but the words wouldn’t come, “I mean, I really am sorry. I mangled it. Royally. Can we start over?”

Ugh. That was clumsy.

Alex wouldn’t look at me, but busied herself with the kettle.

I took a breath and continued, “I have missed you so much. Please believe me. I just panicked when it seemed like we were going to move in together when you got to the UK.”

“Well, I got this place, and you have your place, so no need to worry about co-habitation,” she snapped, still not looking at me.

I had heard Alex bark at people before, but never at me. I felt like I broke something between us.

“But that’s just the thing — I want to be with you. I just didn’t want to believe that you did too, in case you changed your mind.” I grimaced, “It made no sense, but I still pushed you away. It was stupid, what I did. I wish I had it to do all over again.”

Alex left the kettle to boil and walked past me into the living room.

“Alex, please say something. Can you look at me, at least?”

Alex sighed as she lowered herself onto the couch and finally made eye contact. All I saw was hurt and anger.

“Let me make it up to you,” I said kneeling in front of her, “I’ll spend every day from now on making it up to you.”

Alex shook her head.

“I want to,” I said, reaching out to touch her forearm.

Alex pulled her arms away and rubbed her eyes, “No, really. Stop, Jess.”

My heart sank. “Stop what?”

Alex covered her face with her hands and sighed. “This conversation. It’s really not working for me right now. So just stop.”

“But… Alex, why?” I felt my stomach churn. My tears left hot streaks down my cheeks. I didn’t care. “Please Alex, look at me. Why can’t we try and talk through this?”

“I don’t want to talk anymore, Jess.” Alex shook her head slowly.

“Oh, darling Alex,” I pleaded. “why not?”

“There’s no point in having this conversation.” Alex stared at me like I was a stranger.

I crossed my legs and slumped over, burying my face in my hands. Alex got up and walked back to the kitchen. I heard her pouring water into a mug. I couldn’t believe I had thrown it all away.

I got up and headed back into the kitchen. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

“Don’t say there’s no point,” I ground out, trying not to be overcome with sobs, “I know I cocked it up. But please don’t say there’s no point. I… I… need you.”

Oh god, that sounded pathetic.

Alex leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms, “Ok. How about this, then: I’d rather not have this conversation.”

I hardly recognised the person uttering those words.

“Why not?!” I shouted at her. “I want to have this conversation! I want… ARGH! Alex, you always said we can talk things out. Why not now?”

“It’s a waste of time.” Alex looked down. I couldn’t read her face. It was horrible.

“I don’t believe you,” I spat out, “I don’t believe you think that.”

I walked right up to her, “Look at me and tell me why you think this is a waste of time.”

Alex suddenly pulled me into her arms. “Because,” she said, leaning in until her lips brushed my ear, “It’s getting in the way of us having some crazy make up sex.”

Jess was still for a couple of seconds before she started hitting me on the shoulder, “Oh you horrid, horrid woman, making me think you wanted to break up!”

I pulled her back into my arms and shook my head. “Never.”

Jess said nothing, but grabbed my face and kissed me, our tongues eager emissaries of our desperate need to re-unite. This. Her taste. Her lips. This. Her desire… for me. More… I want more. We breathed each other in, clinging tightly together. Tears sprung from my eyes from joy and relief. Our faces were a mess of tears and snot and saliva.

I ached to feel her skin against mine; Jess must have had the same urge strike her.

Jess’s hands flew everywhere, undoing buttons scattershot. I hastily fumbled with her jeans, grunting in frustration while trying to shrug off my jacket.

“Whoever invented the zipper ought to be shot,” she muttered as she fought with my trousers.

“I think it was a Swedish chap called Gideon—mmph–” Jess cut me off, smothering my mouth with hers as I felt her pulling down my trousers and boxers.

“Yeah, ok, never mind,” I flung off her jumper and shirt.

My hands shook with need as I placed them on the slight flare of her hips: the perfect starting place for their journey north.

“Hmmm, I’ve missed your hands on me,” Jess cooed.

I nodded, my eyes glued to my hands’ slow sweep along Jess’s smooth toned stomach to the underside of her breasts.

“Alex…” Jess whispered, biting her lower lip, “please, touch me…”

I swept my thumbs across the soft grey cotton of her bra, thrilled to feel the bumps of her nipples through the fabric. Jess whimpered.

Oh, I get to do this again. Thank fuck I get to do this again.

I leaned in and nipped her neck as I unclasped her bra. Jess impatiently discarded it. She let out a slow breath through her teeth when I caught her breasts in my hands. Her firm warm flesh spilled into my fingers; I felt zings of pleasure as I pampered them with attention.

“Angry Alex is scary Alex, I’m sorry I hurt you,” she closed her eyes and pressed her breasts into my palms.

“I’m sorry I scared you. Never again, I promise,” I murmured as I ran my tongue along her delectable cleavage.

Jess let out a low deep growl. Without warning, she pulled me downwards. I laughed as I tumbled to the floor with her.

I quickly made my way down her body, eager to taste her.

“Oh no, you don’t,” Jess said, “me first… I fucked up.”

“Don’t care,” I declared.

I had aleady caught a sensuous whiff of her arousal, and wild horses couldn’t have pulled me away. I grabbed her thighs and pushed them apart; my mouth descended like a heat-seeking missile.

“HOLY FUCK! OH YESSSSSSSSSS!” Jess yelled. Keep screaming, Jess, I’m not stopping until you pass out.

I’d never had make up sex like this. It was like we were in a fight to the death to make each other come more times than the other. There were no post-climax interludes. Sex here, sex there, sex pretty much every where.

I felt her throb against my tongue as she came one more time. Her legs tightened around me before they collapsed onto the couch. Jess’s eyes were closed and she had a slight smile on her face. I stared in awe at how sexy she was.

I shifted myself up and lay on top of her as she recovered.

I watched Jess’s long brown lashes flutter as she tried to open her eyes. “OK. Pause. Time out. I can’t move anymore,” she whispered, a mega-watt smile was slowly emerging.

Jess wiggled her body underneath mine. Her eyes opened and I fell into a luminous green ocean with flecks of gold.

I couldn’t believe we were back in each other’s arms again. I was home.

“Alex, I’m sorry,” I began.

She kissed me and rubbed my nose with hers, “I know you are. This past month really, really sucked. But I knew why you freaked out. And I hoped that you’d come back.”

“Annie told me you could have your choice of women, and I didn’t deserve a second chance.” My voice caught.

“Well, it’s a good thing you aren’t dating Annie,” Alex said lightly.

“She hates me.” I sighed as Alex rested her head on my chest.

“Nah, she’s just being protective. I think she hissed at Olivia under her breath for an entire semester after Olivia and Amy got back together. You gotta give her points for loyalty.”

“She said Sienna would never have left you,” I said diffidently.

Alex sighed, “I’m going to strangle Annie the next time I see her.”

Alex propped herself up on her elbows. “Annie is probably one of the few people who knows my history with you. She knows the way I feel about you. She just didn’t want me to pine for you for the rest of my life if it wasn’t going to work out.”