Chapter 5

Sasha looked at her girlfriend. She sensed that she was on shaky ground, that this was the fight they’d been building up to for a while now, but she didn’t know what Anastasia was getting at. “What are you talking about?”

Anastasia glared at Sasha, “All this time, I’ve been telling you how much I dislike spending time with Sienna, and you always tell me to stop being so threatened because she is straight and you never spend time with her. And you know what’s really interesting? You’ve never once said YOU don’t have feelings for her. It’s always about how Sienna doesn’t have feeling for you. That’s why it’s a big deal.”

Sasha’s stomach dropped. Of all the precipices she thought Anastasia was going to push her towards, this was not the one she expected. Feelings for Sienna was something Sasha wouldn’t even let herself think about, least of all as a point of argument with Anastasia.

“Fine, let’s just go, then.” Sasha said in resignation.

Anastasia crossed her arms, “So you DO have feelings for her!”

Sasha’s mouth wouldn’t work.

“I think we both know what comes next.” Anastasia turned and walked to Sasha’s truck.

“UGH!” Sasha ran to catch up with Anastasia, “Are you breaking up with me?”

Anastasia paused, her hand on the door handle, “Sasha, I think this has been in the works for months. We’ve hardly spent any time together since Labor Day. And when we did, we fought. It’s fucking exhausting.”

“We’re just going through a bad patch.”

“Sasha, you liked it when she was playing doctor just now. And I saw you guys hugging. You like her. A lot. Even if you don’t think it’s obvious, it is.”

Sasha opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

“You can come pick up your stuff from my place when I get back on the 26th. Just take me into town. I can grab a cab to the airport from there.”

Back in the school gym, Sienna watched Sasha’s truck peel out of the school parking lot. For the rest of the day, Sienna tried to block out Sasha’s early departure from the party, and it wasn’t easy. It was like Senior year all over again, when her friendship with Sasha abruptly changed. Every subsequent time together since then just re-opened the wound. Sienna knew she played a role in it; once Valerie was part of the equation, Sienna made no effort to fight for their friendship, preferring to keep her distance and allowing them to drift apart. The mad dash of college-related insanity had redirected her focus most of Senior year, and the excitement of four years in the big city was just enough to muzzle the ever-present tumult of missing her life-long friend.

“How was the party?” Sienna’s mother asked later that night. Sienna had settled into her bed, surrounded by her laptop and a pile of books she’d put aside to read over break.

“Mrs. Reilly was totally surprised when Mr. Abraham did the big reveal. She burst into tears. It was really sweet.”

“Massive. I guess being a kindergarten teacher for forty plus years gets you a lot of fans!”

“Beth Reilly is a cut above the rest. She just always respected the kids and never talked at them. You loved being in that class with her.”

“You know who didn’t show up? Amanda Whitaker. I was just talking with Hannah about how mean she was to Sasha and me and wondering if she’d come. She didn’t.”

Sienna’s mother sat down on the edge of the bed, “That’s probably for the best. So! What are your plans for the rest of break?”

“Stay here through New Year’s, and then back to school for the training trip with the swim team.”

“Oh good! We get you for almost two weeks! Are you meeting up with anyone while you are here?”

“I bumped into Erik at the retirement party and he told me about a Christmas thing he and Jon Grasser are organizing at The Pool Hall on Monday night.”

“Sounds like fun; are you going to go?”

“I don’t know – it’s one of those crazy themed parties that takes too much time to think about.”

“‘The Princess Bride,’ there’re prizes for best costume, trivia knowledge, blah, blah.”

“You love that movie! You should go!”

“Maybe. It’s the night before a swim practice I signed up for… I promised coach I’d get in at least 15,000 yards over break. What else is going on?”

“Holiday Pops with the Jameses on the 23rd, and then dinner with them and Erik and Sasha on Christmas Eve — first time all seven of us will be together in years. I think it’d be fun.”

Sienna nodded, “Okay. I have practices at the Y on the 24th, 27th, and 30th. Med School frenzy is about to start and I kind of feel like staying home and doing a whole lot of nothing.”

“A whole lot of nothing sounds good!” Sienna’s mom smiled. A low crunching sound caught both women’s ears and they looked out the window, “Ah, looks like Sasha’s staying with her parents tonight. Did you see her at the party?”

Sienna watched as Sasha’s pick-up rolled to a stop in the gravel driveway of the house opposite, “Yeah, for about five seconds. Then the Russian princess needed air and they left. Sasha didn’t even stay for the surprise.”

“Still not a fan, huh?”

“Never will be. Sasha deserves better.”

“You have someone in mind?” Sienna’s mom looked carefully at her.

Sienna grimaced and shook her head, “Nope. But I know it’s not Anastasia.”

Barbara Logan shifted slightly, “What about you?”

Sienna shook her head again, “Me? Nothing going on with me. But I banished the ghost of that stupid crush on Alex Mak.”

Sienna leaned into her mom’s shoulder and sighed, “Yeah. Very sad state of affairs. You okay with me growing into a crazy old spinster who shouts at the rain in her bathrobe?”

“Nonsense,” Barbara soothed, holding her daughter close, “and I know you know that. Just don’t overthink it. Sometimes, you think too much, honey. It’ll happen. You just have to let it.”

Across the street, Sasha made a bee line for the kitchen, opened the fridge and took inventory of its contents.

“Erik said you left early from Mrs. Reilly’s party.” Maria James leaned into the counter as she watched her daughter stand in front of the refrigerator.

Sasha shrugged but didn’t look back, “Big brother needs to stop being such a tattle-tale.”

“I asked him, he told me,” Sasha’s mom sat down at the kitchen table, “And why are you in my kitchen?”

“The usual reason… extreme hunger,” Sasha pulled some bread and cold cuts from the fridge.

“While I am thrilled to have you here raiding my kitchen, I thought you would be staying in Boston tonight — why drive all the way back?”

Sasha sat down at the table and haphazardly assembled her sandwich, “Couldn’t find parking.”

“Very funny. No, really Sasha, what’s up?”

Sasha bit into the sandwich and mumbled, “Anastasia and I had a fight. She left. Kind of didn’t want to be alone in my apartment tonight.”

“Oh honey, I’m sorry. You guys have been fighting a lot lately, it seems.”

Sasha grunted, “Won’t be for much longer. She asked me to move my stuff out of her place after Christmas.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Sasha played around with her sandwich, “Not really.”

“Fair enough,” Maria knew her daughter well enough to not push, and sensed that a glimmer of candor would eventually break through. She moved around the kitchen and tidied up unobtrusively as she waited for Sasha to get her thoughts together.

“I totally messed things up,” Sasha finally said.

“How did you mess things up?”

“Anastasia didn’t like Sienna. I tried to convince her otherwise but it didn’t work. So I spent less time with Sienna. But it still wasn’t enough. Now, there’s about to be no Anastasia… and no friendship with Sienna. I tried to find some way to manage the conflict, but I think I ended up I losing both.”

“Which one do you regret more?”

Sasha knew the answer immediately, but once again, her mouth wouldn’t work.

“Sasha, don’t you think that the right person wouldn’t be threatened by your friendship with Sienna?

Sasha shrugged, “I miss her.”

Sasha shook her head. Maria looked out the kitchen window, “Looks like Sienna’s still up. Go talk to her.”

“Maybe she can come over for dinner tomorrow? Oh, mom, can you not tell anyone about the break up? I’d prefer not to tell people until after she’s kicked me out officially.”

Maria nodded, “Sure honey, if that’s what you want.”

Sasha nodded, “Yeah. Not the best Christmas news, you know? Um.. so can Wolverine come over for dinner tomorrow?”

“Why do you call her Wolverine? She has a beautiful name.”

“Mom, we’ve explained this a million times. Her last name is Logan. Our last name is James. James Logan is the alter-ego of a superhero called Wolverine. She also has a big crush on the actor who plays him. She calls me Wolverine, I call her Wolverine.”

Maria scoffed, “You are both in college. Enough with the cartoons. Call each other by your real names.”

“I know she’s not a cartoon, mother.”

“Then act like it,” Maria pulled off Sasha’s hat, unleashing her daughter’s mass of dark brown hair, “and stop wearing these hats. You have a wonderful head of hair.”

Sasha jammed the hat back on her head, “They keep the hair out of my eyes; I like them. So Ma, can Wolv- I mean Sienna come over?”

“Sure! If you want her over for dinner every night over break, go ahead. I’d be thrilled to see her. You guys can bay at the moon together.” Maria was happy to see a smile creep across Sasha’s face. She gave her daughter a kiss goodnight, grabbed her glass of water and headed upstairs, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night mom. I might run over to Sienna’s for a bit tonight.”

“Ok, but don’t overstay your welcome,” Maria shouted from the landing upstairs. She smiled to herself as she heard the front door open and shut.

Sasha strode quickly across to the Logan’s house. She scrambled up the trellis below Sienna’s room like she had done again and again as they were growing up together. As she reached the top, she could see Sienna sitting on her bed, watching something on her laptop. She rapped lightly at the window. Sienna looked up, narrowed her eyes and mouthed, “What?”

“It’s fucking freezing out here. Let me in!”

Sienna rolled her eyes, and reached up to undo the latch. “You’re a lunatic.”

“Didn’t want to wake your parents.” Sasha crawled through and brushed off her jeans.

Sasha and Sienna froze. Sienna’s door swung open and George Logan burst in, panic on his face.

“Hi George,” Sasha bleated out.

“You opened the window?”

They both nodded, “Dad, are you ok?”

“I am now,” George exhaled a long breath, pressed a couple keys on his phone and waved it in front of the two women, “We just installed silent alarms on all the windows. The alarm company sent me a message to report a breach…” he smiled at Sasha, “Thought you guys were done with windows as a form of entry.”

“It’s okay. I’ll go recover from my heart attack now. Sasha – stay as late as you’d like, but go out the front door, ok, sport?”

The moment the door shut, Sienna settled back into bed, “To what do I owe this visit? Given that you almost killed my dad, it had better be good. And don’t say you need more shoulder therapy.”

Sasha rotated her arm, “Nope. All good – thanks again, by the way. I probably need to go get an x-ray, haven’t had that happen in a while. I just wanted to come over and catch up. We didn’t get to earlier.”

“We didn’t catch up earlier because Anastasia made you leave the party early.” Sienna raised an eyebrow.

Sasha took in a breath and sat down at the end of the bed, “Doesn’t mean we can’t catch up now.”

“Sasha, I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but are you out of your fricking mind?” Sienna crossed her arms, “Anastasia doesn’t like you spending time with me. You know she’d be pissed if she knew we were hanging out together.”

“Why do you care? Let me worry about that.”

“Because you can’t have it both ways, Sasha. I thought we had this really solid friendship, and then you keep dating women who want nothing to do with me, and you are ok with them pressuring you to ice me out. So I stayed away, and now, the moment Anastasia is not around, you come waltzing over like everything is normal. You can’t have it both ways,” Sienna repeated.

“I know. And I’ve decided to prioritize our friendship.”

Sienna’s heart soared at those words, but her instincts pushed her towards skepticism, “I don’t think you can call what we have a friendship, Sasha. This is the first time we’ve spoken more than two sentences to each other in three years.”

“I never meant for that to happen,” Sasha said, as the weight of guilt pressed down on her ability to say anything more.

“That makes me sad,” Sasha tilted her head down, the brim of her hat partially hiding her face from view.

“Me too,” Sienna said quietly. The two were silent for a moment.

Sienna hated seeing Sasha look so upset, and gave Sasha a soft nudge with her foot, “Careful Wolfy, if you think any harder, one of your two brain cells might just spontaneously combust…”

That earned Sienna a small smile. “What are you watching?” Sasha pointed at the laptop.

“Are you doing homework for Grasser’s party?” Sasha smirked, “You are such a nerd.”

Sienna flipped her the finger.

“How far in are you?”

“Cliffs of Insanity.”

“Scooch over.” Sasha kicked off her shoes and crawled up beside Sienna.

“Seriously?” Sienna rolled her eyes and made some room as Sasha slid under the covers.

“You’re about to get to the sword fight. That’s the best part!”

Sienna fought against relishing the familiar comfort of hanging out with Sasha. They’d watched movies like this throughout high school, but it felt different now, with the specter of the jealous girlfriend looming over them. “Keep your hands to yourself, Wolverine. I don’t need Anastasia sending Russian agents to kill me next time I see her.”