Chapter 7

⚠ tw: abuse, ed, smut ⚠

I glanced at the clock. 10 pm. Almost twenty-four hours since the kiss. Our kiss. My chest tightened. Anger simmered in my veins, but there was something else too–shame. Disappointment. At myself. I should’ve said something–anything–better. But of course, I ruined it. I always ruin everything. I couldn’t sit still any longer. My apartment felt like a prison cell, the air was too thick, too loud with my own thoughts. I needed fresh air. I grabbed my keys and stepped into the elevator. The moment I stepped outside cool air hit my face. For a second, it helped. For a second, I thought maybe I could breathe again. Then a loud horn shattered the silence. A taxi driver screamed something unhinged at a bus, and the bus driver yelled back. That whole thing gave me a headache. I had to get away from there. I wandered through the city like I did the first night I arrived here. All the chaos has a strange kind of beauty, the kind you only understand when you’re gone and aching for it. The blur of headlights, the people yelling into phones, the choking smell of hot dogs and exhaust and too much perfume–it all made sense. I loved how crowded the streets were. Because in the crowd, I could disappear. I could fold into the noise and vanish between all these strangers. All that created a safe space for my mind to overthink and replay every moment. Everything. Her lips. Her every breath. Her fingertips barely grazing my cheek. The look in her eyes just before she walked away. It was eating me alive. Was it something I said? Something I had done? Did I cross a line? Was it because I’m… a girl? A hundred versions of the moment played on a loop in my head, each one worse than the last. I let out a shaky breath and turned a corner too fast and abruptly. One moment I was minding my own business, the second I had bumped into a young lady and earned myself a middle finger and a ‘Watch out you’– I don’t think I have to continue with the unexpectedly creative string of curses that followed. Although her menace, that lady smelled familiar; like flowers and spring. I stood there, stunned, the world blurring around me. Every moment with her came flooding back in my head like some broken tape, replaying only the parts that hurt the most. And then I knew. I had to see her. Screw the promises I made to myself. Screw the dignity I pretended to have left. I needed to see her again.

I started walking briskly toward her hotel, heart pounding harder with each step. When I finally reached the building, I stopped across the street and scanned the entrance, eyes searching for that familiar black car I’d seen the last time I was there. Nothing. That meant she was out. So I wouldn’t see her? Fuck no. I hadn’t come all that way just to turn back. A million ideas raced through my mind every second, but one stuck. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake it. Without giving myself another second to think, I stood up from the low wall I’d been sitting on and crossed the street. I offered a polite wave to the doorman as I stepped through the glass doors. The luxury of that place was from another world. I headed straight for the front desk. “Good evening” I said with a small smile. The young man behind the reception looked up and smiled back. “Good evening, miss. How may I assist you?” I took a breath, steadying my voice “I’d like the key to miss Carpenter’s suite”. His expression flickered, caught somewhere between confusion and caution. “I’m one of the co-owners of the company that covers her accommodation” I continued, trying to sound calm. “She left behind some important documents related to her payment arrangements, and I need to collect them before morning” His smile tightened “I’m afraid I’d need confirmation by miss Carpenter herself”. Of course he didn’t believe me. I leaned in slightly, voice softening but firm “They’re urgent, so I’d appreciate it if you could help me avoid unnecessary delays. You’d really be doing us both a favor”. Still nothing. His eyes said it all. What he wanted wasn’t reassurance. It was money. I reached into my wallet, pulled out everything I had–maybe two grand, maybe a little more–and passed it discreetly to him. “And I’d also appreciate it,” I added “if you didn’t mention to her that I came by. There are changes coming to some of her agreements, and it’s best she hears it directly from the board”. He hesitated for a moment, but then smiled. “Of course” he said smoothly. He retrieved a keycard from behind the desk and slid it toward me. “Fifth Avenue Suite, 11th floor. I hope you find what you’re looking for miss” he said as I walked away.

I watched the elevator numbers light up one by one. Eight… nine… ten… eleven. I stepped out. The hallway was long and quiet and her room was at the very end. I walked slowly, glancing around, heart thudding like I was about to do something unforgivable. I kind of was. I slid the keycard into the door. I turned the handle and stepped inside, careful not to make a sound. I was in her room. I paused, breath held, listening. Nothing. Just silence. I was alone. I took a few steps in. The living room was dimly lit, and it seemed really cozy. A couple of empty wine bottles sat on the coffee table. One glass. Was she drinking alone? Was she drinking because of me? I let out a slow exhale, but I didn’t let the thought pull me under. Not yet. I was there for something. Something real. Something that could help me understand her better–get into her mind, and into her, eventually. I moved into the bedroom. Clothes were scattered across the bed and onto the floor. She must’ve been in a rush getting ready. I kept searching, even though I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for. Until I saw it. Her laptop. Half-buried under some clothes. I pulled it out like I’d found gold, and opened it. Of course it had a fucking password. Think, y/n, think. I tried the obvious–her birthday, names I knew she was close to, even a couple of her songs. Nothing. But then, I remembered something she had told me. Her dog. That she got him on her 13th birthday. I tried the name of the dog and that date, crossed my fingers and pressed enter. Holy fucking shit, it worked. Everything was already synced. No second password, no security lock, just… everything. I opened instagram and switched to her private account. And there they was; the messages. She had argued with her boyfriend, like she had told me. Badly. He was practically begging her to take him back. But she was hesitating and had second thoughts. I was the second thoughts. At least that’s what I wanted to believe. I closed Instagram and went through her photos. Pictures of her friends, her cats and dogs, blurry ones of rooftops and airports and lazy mornings. They made me smile. They even gave me butterflies. But then… Shit. I closed the laptop immediately. Why didn’t I think of it?! Of course she has nudes in there. I felt like a creep for the first time in the half an hour I did all these insane, probably illegal stuff. But I wanted to see them so badly. NO. I couldn’t. I wouldn’t want someone looking at mine. And if I ever wanted to be more than just a shadow to her, I couldn’t cross that line. I shut down the laptop and left it where I found it. When the weight of it all finally settled on me I felt sick, ashamed. How did I end up there? In her space. How could I do such thing to the girl I want. Maybe she was right. Maybe we shouldn’t have kissed.

Why do I always do stuff like this?

Maybe that’s why I never had a girlfriend. I’m afraid to talk to them about how I feel, and I end up crossing so many lines… I kept wandering through the suite, so deep in my thoughts that I almost didn’t hear the door open. I was fucked. I was in the bedroom at the time, so I quickly dropped to the floor and tried to crawl under the bed. I must’ve cut my forearm pretty deep at some point–didn’t even know how. All I knew was that I nearly screamed from the pain. But those thoughts disappeared the second I heard her sobs. She was crying. But why? She was on the phone, so I stayed quiet and tried to listen. The fact that she was still in the living room made it almost impossible, but I caught one thing. One sentence that made my blood boil, and my jaw clench so tight I thought my teeth would shatter. “He did it again” she whispered, voice small and defeated. Him. Whoever he was, he was finished. When I found out who he was, he’d better start counting his days for making her cry like that. I didn’t know what the hell he’d done, but her voice said more than enough. I forced myself to stay still, to calm down, to focus–so I could hear better. She came into the bedroom and tossed her phone on the bed, putting it on speaker. “He hit you, Sabrina! Don’t even think about giving him another chance!” a woman’s voice yelled through the phone. “He’s an alcoholic and a party animal–he is ruining you, can’t you see that?” I felt the ground vanish beneath me. He did what? I wanted to come out from under that bed and hold her. Tell her she deserved better, that everything was going to be okay. But then I remembered the situation I had put myself in. I couldn’t comfort her, not like this. Still, I knew how she felt. When the only person you trust in a city that already feels completely foreign to you turns on you–hurts you–you learn things the hard way. When I first came to New York, a guy offered to let me stay in his apartment until I’d found another place to rent. We started dating and eventually, we became a thing. I don’t remember how it even started–something about me supposedly cheating on him. Some nonsense I’d reassured him about a thousand times. It was late. Two, maybe three am. We’d had a fight earlier, and I’d gone out for air. When I came back, he accused me of sleeping with ‘that other guy’. I denied it. He slapped me. Then he immediately apologized. But when it happens once, you know it’ll happen again. And it did. That’s when something broke in me. That’s when I developed the thing I’m still fighting to this day; my eating disorder. I say ‘my’, but I don’t want it to be mine. I hate it. I started eating and then making myself sick. That made him even angrier. So one day, I took my things and left. I went to that ‘other’ guy who was trying to get into the police force. His name was Enzo. The rest is history.

That’s how I know what it’s like. So I listened. Listened to her defending him. “He just pushed me, it’s not that big of a deal” she said. But something in her voice told me she knew it was a big deal. “Don’t say that Sabrina! You ended things with him and he did that! Don’t you ever get in touch with that man again, you understand?” the woman on the phone said, and something in me shifted. I wanted to be happy that she wasn’t with him anymore. But what he’d done to her made it impossible. I wanted her to be single, so she could be with me. But I’d never want this to be the reason why. Never. She let out a heavy breath and ended the call. Then she went into the bathroom. I heard the water running as she filled the bathtub. And she started undressing. And I was right there and she didn’t know. So I looked away. Because I wanted her to want me to look. I felt so bad, for her, for me, for everything. When she finally got into the big bathtub, I quietly crawled out from under the bed and, on my toes, made my way towards the door. “I know you’re here” I heard her voice echo from the bathroom. What. How? I didn’t say a word. I just stood frozen in front of the door. “I don’t know who you are, but I can hear you” she said finally. Oh, thank God. I opened the door and shut it gently behind me. On my way back to my penthouse, her words kept looping in my head. Her voice, that conversation. I couldn’t believe she was going through all of that. I just wished I could take all that weight off her shoulders. Promise her that I’d never let anything like that happen to her again. But I couldn’t. So the best thing I could do was wait.

At one-something am, I went to bed. I switched the lights off and laid down. But when I closed my eyes, the bell rang. Who the hell was it? I thought it was Enzo coming in with popcorn and chips for movie night. I put on my bra and my tartan pajama bottoms. I didn’t care, since Enzo had seen me in way fewer clothes many times. So I went and opened the door. My mouth opened slightly, and I struggled to find the words. “S-Sabrina? What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice trembling. She didn’t answer. She walked toward me decisively, grabbed my neck, pulling it down–and she kissed me with force. I kissed her back, and without stopping, I closed the door behind her. She took her Uggs off, and I helped her take off her shirt and sweats. She was wearing almost nothing underneath–only a tiny string. She jumped onto me, and I grabbed and squeezed her ass while taking her into the bedroom. I threw her onto my bed gently and got on top of her. She grabbed me and kissed me again as I took my tartan pj bottoms off. I slowly started laying kisses all over her neck, then her breasts, and I looked at her as I slowly moved down. When I reached her string, I looked at her–and not once did I break eye contact as I bit it and slowly dragged it down her legs, taking it off and throwing it on the floor. She was so fucking wet. I kissed her inner thighs and slowly dragged my lips upward. Before I started, I looked at her one last time. She nodded, breathing heavily and flustered. I slowly got between her legs, letting her feel my hot breath on her pussy first. She breathed even heavier. I licked her clit with my tongue so slowly, like I had to taste every inch of her. She moaned and closed her eyes, throwing her head back. It was dark, with only the moonlight reflecting on her skin, making her seem like an alluring siren ready to eat me alive. I had the eating role in this case, though. After I aroused her enough, I continued sucking on her clit and placed my middle and ring fingers on her outer lips, slowly moving them up and down to tease her. She moaned louder, and then I put my middle finger inside her. She was so wet, it slipped right in. At first, I moved it slowly. Then faster. After a while, she squirted and had a big orgasm. I didn’t stop. She didn’t tell me to. Instead, I put my other finger in too. “Oh, y/n!” she screamed, and I felt so proud of myself hearing my name leave her mouth. I moved my fingers faster, in and out of her, until she had another orgasm. She threw her head back and moaned so loudly, I bet it woke my neighbors in the next apartment up. I didn’t even give a shit. They better hear it. All the building better hear her screaming my name, and her moans, because those were the best sounds I’d ever heard in my fucking life. After she came for the second time, she grabbed my hair, pulled me up to her, and kissed me. I slowly took my fingers out of her, and while she was looking, I put them in my mouth and licked them slowly. Then I put them in her mouth. She let out a weak moan when she tasted herself, and then I kissed her. It wasn’t rough–it was a sweet, slow kiss to end the moment. She put her arms around me and hugged me. “Thank you” she whispered, although I was the one who should have been thanking her. I didn’t say anything back. Instead, I kissed her forehead and walked out of the room. After a minute, I returned with towels and some water. She was tired. I could see it. So I decided to let her rest. I started walking away again, but her voice made me stop. “Where are you going?” she said in a complaining, sweet voice. “I’ll let you get some rest, okay?” I said, and she frowned. “Won’t you stay here with me?” she pouted, like she knew I couldn’t resist her cuteness. “Do you want me to stay?” I asked, dragging the question out to make it a little more dramatic. “Maybe” she said with that mischievous smile on her face. How could I ever say no to her? I walked slowly towards her and laid beside her on the bed. She hugged me and rested her head on my chest. I didn’t move, in case I made some abrupt motion that would make her turn away. I almost didn’t breathe until she fell asleep in my arms. Then I closed my eyes too, knowing that tomorrow, we had a lot of things to discuss. But for now…

Let’s just say I was the luckiest girl in the world.

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Heyyy! This chapter was hella twisted, but… idk i think its my favorite. Btw, that was my first ever smut scene and it was kinda awkward writing it lol, but i think its pretty decent? 🤷

Also, do yall want me to give music recommendations at the start of some chapters? Tell me in the comments! Anyways, hope you liked this chapter 😉

✨byeeee✨