Chapter 59

Good morning, afternoon, or evening wherever you are. i’ve compiled all the letters maggie wrote together. if you don’t want to read them i completely understand! you can go ahead and skip if you choose, but i know when an authother alludes to someone writing a letter to a character and doesn’t show it i get so mad.

I also came up with a little list of songs for you to listen to while reading if you so choose because it makes them hit a little harder : Pretty Slowly by Benson Boone, The Night We Met by Lord Huron, Hearing by Sleeping at Last, I Found by Amber Run, Wish That You Were Here by Florence + The Machine

Maggie starts with writing to the kids first, the ones she swore to protect ever since she fell into their little world.

The first letter goes to Will.

To Sunshine,

I don’t even know where to start. I keep thinking if I say the words out loud, they’ll somehow make this real in a way I can’t bear. But I have to write them. I have to leave something of me with you, in case I… in case I don’t get the chance to say goodbye in person.

I’ve watched you. I’ve seen how brave you are, even when everything inside you feels broken. I know the world has thrown too much at you, and yet, somehow, you keep standing. You keep caring. You keep loving, even when it’s painful, even when it’s terrifying. And I… I’ve always wanted you to know that I see you. I’ve always wanted you to know how much you matter.

I don’t want you to carry my fear. I don’t want you to bear any of this. You’ve already carried so much. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve a world that isn’t trying to rip you apart.

If I don’t make it back… please remember that I’m proud of you. So proud. Of the person you are, of the courage you carry even when it scares you, of the way you love people with your whole heart. That is a strength no one can ever take from you.

I wish I could promise you that I’ll be okay, that I’ll come back from this. I can’t. All I can promise is that I tried. That I fought. That I loved you, in my way, and I always will.

Please, Will… stay. Stay brave. Stay kind. Keep laughing when it’s too hard. And never, ever doubt that you are enough. Because you are. You always have been. And for my sake, please tell Mike how you feel someday, when you’re ready, because I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

I’m so sorry I might not get to see you again. I’m so sorry I might leave this world before I wanted to. But I hope, if there’s any comfort at all, you can feel that even in that absence, my heart is still with you. Thank you for being the best little brother.

—Your favorite sister, Maggie

The second letter goes to Mike.

To Wheely,

You’ve always been steady. Even when everything around you is falling apart, and the world feels too big and scary. You’ve carried so much responsibility on your shoulders, and you do it with a heart that’s bigger than anyone realizes. I’ve seen it. I’ve seen you try to protect everyone, even when it hurts you, and I’ve seen the moments when you’re scared and tired and just human. And I hope you know that being human like that isn’t weakness, it’s strength.

I’m scared, Mike. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But I want you to know something I wish I could say in person: I trust you. I trust you with everything. You’ve always been someone I could rely on, someone I could count on even when nothing else made sense. You’ve always been the heart.

If I don’t get back… don’t carry anything afterwards. Don’t let it make you doubt yourself. Keep being who you are. Keep loving the people who need you, keep fighting for the ones who can’t fight for themselves, and keep holding onto the things that matter.

And for the love of God, let El breathe. She needs to figure out who she is, as do you. I just hope that one day you’ll stop being so dense and realize it.

I wish I could promise I’ll see you again, but I can promise is that I’ve loved the time we’ve had, the small moments, the unspoken understanding between us. And that love doesn’t go away. Even if I do.

You’re stronger than you know, Mike. Always have been. Please, hold onto that. And hold onto hope. Even if I’m not there.

— The biggest nuisance in your life, Maggie

The third letter goes to Lucas.

To Lukewarm,

You’re so much more than you’ve given yourself credit for. I know you think I don’t notice the way you take charge, and always keep trying to protect the people that matter. I notice. I’ve always noticed. And I’ve always been proud of you.

I’m scared, Lucas. Really scared. I don’t know if I’m going to make it through the next two days. But I want you to know something important: you are stronger than anything that’s coming for me and anything the world can throw at you. Keep trusting yourself. Keep looking out for the people you care about, even when it feels like everything is being ripped away. And never let anyone make you think you’re not enough, because you are. Always.

And do me a favor. Even if your sister is annoying, still love her. She’s a nuisance but she means well.

If I don’t get back… don’t let this break you. Don’t let it take the courage and heart that make you who you are. You’re capable of so much more than you realize, Lucas. So much more than you can imagine. And I want you to remember that.

I can’t say that I will see you again, but I will tell you that I’ve cared about you, deeply, and that I’ve seen the light in you.

Stay strong. Stay you. And please take care of each other.

— The girl always making you worry, Maggie

Letter number four goes to Dustin.

To Dustbucket,

First… you’re amazing. You’re so incredibly smart and I know that you’re going to go so far in life, maybe further than any of the others (don’t tell them I said that.) You’ve saved people in ways you probably don’t even remember. You’re capable of so much, Dustin. Don’t ever forget that.

I don’t know if I’m going to make it through the next couple of days. But I want you to remember something important: You are smarter than the danger. You can handle more than you might think. And you’re never alone.

If I don’t make it back… please don’t let this break you. Thank you for being such a big part of my life and letting me be a part of your circle of friends. That’s a debt I can never repay you for.

I promise that I believe in you. And I hope that leads you to believe in yourself. I’ll always be here with you even if not physically. Stay curious, Dustin, I know you’ll do great.

— The apparent love of your life, Maggie

The next letter is to Max.

To Madmax,

Hey… it’s me.

I keep thinking about what I’d say if I could hug you one last time, or sit with you and tell you everything is going to be okay.

Max… I’m so proud of you. I’ve seen how strong you are and how fierce your strength and love makes you. Sometimes looking at you is like looking at a mini-me (as terrifying as it is) and I couldn’t be more proud.

I don’t know if I’ll make it through this. And I don’t know if you will too. But if I don’t and you do, please try to let go of your fear and let yourself feel safe. I know you’re capable and I have full faith that you and El will make it back to each other. I know how much you miss each other and I only hope that you are able to give each other long and happy lives.

I know that it’s hard to be different in this day and age, but the important thing is having your circle of people who love you because you are different and will stick with you always. I will always carry a piece of you with me, no matter where I go.

I’m sorry I might leave this world without being able to protect you the way I want to. But know this… in every heartbeat, in every thought, I am with you. Take care of yourself, Max.

—Your worst role model, Maggie

The last kid she writes to is El.

To Peanut,

You have always been incredible. You have grown into yourself so much since we first found you. It’s crazy to think how far you’ve come from the little girl lost in the woods. Keep growing and keep learning, that is the best advice I want you to carry.

When you first came out to me, I wasn’t shocked, I saw signs. I was surprised however, that you trusted me enough to be the first person you confided in. And I am blessed every day to know that you had the courage to speak up and not hold it in.

Never lose yourself, even if someone tells you that you should feel or think a certain way. How you go about your life is all up to you. As a fellow girl with a traumatized past, though ours being vastly different, do not let it define you.

Your past may have brought you here, but your future is what carries you forward. You are so much more than just a girl with superpowers and so much more than just a weapon.

You are a lover and a fighter and a protector, do not lose that for my sake. Your friends and your family need you and you need them. Lean on each other when things get hard.

I wish I could be there to see you grow up and live a long life, but I’ll always be cheering you on even though you can’t see me. Find Max again and love each other unconditionally. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, when you find love, you hold onto it with everything you have.

Please stay safe and try not to give Joyce any heartattacks along the way (but a little mischief never hurts).

—Forever your cheerleader, Maggie

The next set of letters she writes is to the remainder of her adopted family. The first goes to Jonathan.

To Broody Tunes,

I’ve been sitting here for a while, trying to figure out how to put everything I feel into words. The truth is, I don’t think I can, but you deserve to know at least a little bit of how much you mean to me.

You’ve always been my rock. My brother. My safe place in a world that doesn’t make sense. Even when I felt like I didn’t belong anywhere, you made me feel like I belonged with you and the rest of the family.

When Will first brought me home, I know that you were probably more confused than you’ve ever been in your entire life. But still, you’ve been patient with me, protective, and unwavering, even when I didn’t always make it easy. And I want you to know that I noticed and am so incredibly grateful.

I’m scared, Jonathan. I don’t know if I’ll make it through what’s coming. And if I don’t… I want you to know that it wasn’t because I didn’t fight. I fought as hard as I could. But I also want you to remember that you’ve made my life better. You’ve made me braver. You’ve made me feel like I mattered.

You’ve always tried to keep the family from crumbling. Even when Will was gone, you stepped up and took care of everyone. Please don’t lose that instinct, because the others will need you. But, I want you to still take care of yourself. You cannot push your own grief and feelings aside because you think it will benefit everyone else. Feel it and breathe it.

I will always be proud of you. I will always love you. You are my family, and no matter what happens, you will always have me in your heart.

Take care of yourself, Jonathan. And thank you… thank you for being my brother, my protector, my home.

—Your best little sister in the whole world, Maggie

The next letter is for Joyce.

To Mamabear,

This may be the hardest letter I will write to anyone.

I showed up on your doorstep some random night because your son decided to bring me home. And never once did you refuse to help. You stepped up because you knew I had nowhere to go and immediately loved me with all your heart. And you never judged me for being different, you made me feel like it was the best part of me.

You taught me love, patience, and I looked up to you because of all the strength you constantly carried. I know that I didn’t make it easy on you, always destroying things and getting in trouble, but you loved me anyway. And no matter what, I always had a home to come back to.

The Christmas you adopted me was probably the best day of my life. It made me feel wanted in a way I hadn’t before. And no matter what anyone else says, you made me a part of the family and let me belong. I know you always wanted a daughter, and I’m so glad I could be that for you.

Please take care of El, Jonathan and Will for me, but don’t carry so much weight on your shoulders. Find happiness and joy in my absence and fill that damn house in California with so much love and care.

Mom, you have always been and will always be my biggest role model. Keep being that fierce and amazing woman I know you to be. I love you so much, more than you know.

—Your tornado of a daughter, Maggie

The next letters are addressed to her friends.

First is Robin.

To My Homosexual Twin,

I want you to know how much I appreciate you. You’ve been my friend in ways I didn’t even know I needed. You’ve kept me laughing when everything around us was falling apart. And you understand what it’s like to have a secret that could get you socially cancelled. You understand me and I understand you in ways that nobody else can.

I don’t know if I’m going to make it through this. But I want you to know that you are not too much. Yes, you talk a lot and you say weird things, but so do I. It just makes the people around you love you even more. Never listen to anyone who tells you that you need to be less than what you are. This is what makes you, you. You’ve made me feel like I can be myself without apologies, and that’s a gift I’ll carry with me no matter what.

Please keep your sharp mind, your sense of humor, and your loyalty. And don’t ever doubt how much you’ve helped all of us, because you have.

I promise that I’ve always valued you, and that I will always be grateful for your friendship. You’ve been a light in some of the darkest moments, and that light doesn’t go away.

Stay brilliant. And thank you for being unapologetically you.

—Your resident secret sharer, Maggie

The next letter is to Steve.

To Stevie ‘The Hair’ Harrington,

I know, I know, you’re probably going to roll your eyes when you read this. But just… hear me out. I don’t have a lot of time, so I’m writing.

You’ve always been… well, you. Stubborn, sarcastic, big-hearted, a little ridiculous sometimes, but that’s exactly why you matter so much. And I need you to know that, even if I’m not there to say it in person.

Steve… I need you to take care of the kids while I’m gone. I know you act like you hate it, like babysitting is the worst thing in the world, but I’ve seen the way you look at them, the way you protect them, the way you care. It’s not easy to admit, but you love them. And I trust you to keep them safe. To keep them laughing and to keep them together.

I don’t know what’s coming. But I need you to know… you’ve made a difference in all of our lives. You’ve been a friend, a protector, a shoulder to lean on. And you’re not stupid, even if people treat you like you are. Believe in yourself like I believe in you.

And also I’m sorry for stealing your ex-girlfriend, but I have no regrets. Just try and make sure she doesn’t throw her life away from grief.

Take care of them, Steve. And take care of yourself too. I know you’ll keep them safe, because I know you. And that’s enough to give me hope, even now.

—Your constant headache, Maggie

The last letter for her friends is to Eddie.

To Guitar Hero,

Hey…

I’m not sure how to start this without sounding like a total sap, but here goes.

I’ve been thinking about everything lately. About all the ridiculous stuff we’ve done together. Remember playing D&D until our hands cramped and our brains hurt? Remember that one time we got stuck in detention together and ended up laughing so hard the teacher just… gave up? Or the time we got in trouble for… well, pretty much everything? Somehow, through all of that, you’ve been there. Reliable in ways that don’t always show on the surface.

Being your bestfriend was refreshing. You didn’t treat me different, you just treated me like a normal person. You didn’t and still don’t know (i guess until now) about my powers and it was nice to be wanted for just my company.

I’ve loved our friendship. I’ve loved the chaos we’ve caused, the ridiculous conversations, the quiet moments in between. I’ve loved knowing you had my back, even when I didn’t realize I needed it. You’ve never cared what people thought of you and I will always find that so admirable.

Take care of yourself, Eddie. Keep being the person we all rely on, the one who can always make us laugh even in the worst moments. And remember that you are not a coward in any way, you’re brave and going through more than most people have.

—Your partner in crime always, Maggie

The last letter that Maggie writes to anyone is for Nancy.

Dear Nancy,

God, I’m breaking down as I write this and I haven’t even started. That’s just how much I love and miss you already.

I love you. I’ve loved you for longer than I’ve admitted to anyone, maybe even longer than I’ve admitted to myself. And I’m terrified that I might not get to tell you again. That I might leave this world without you knowing just how much you mean to me.

You’ve been my anchor. You’ve been my home, my constant, and my safe place above all else. I really had no idea I could fall so deeply for someone until I met you. Some of the best parts of my life were being able to laugh with you, lay with you, and annoy you to the ends of the earth.

But you always stayed, because somehow you found a way to love me too. Which will always boggle my mind, seeing how perfect and intelligent and strong you are. A part of me feels like I don’t deserve you and all that you give me, but I’m slowly learning to.

I wish we had more time together to live and love. If I had it my way, I would get us a house in some adorable suburb, with a golden retriever, and a white picket fence and kids we love with all our hearts. However, it’s looking like that may not happen now.

So, I just want you to know, Nancy, that you are my heart and my other half. I know this will break you, but please find a way to live your life and find love in someone else. All I want is for you to live without any regrets of what we’ve had. Because I certainly know, that I could never regret you.

My heart has always belonged to you. And even when I’m gone, it always will.

—With all the love in my heart, your soulmate, Maggie

A single tear drips, bleeding across the page, dissolving the words into the ache of everything left unspoken.